You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna hammer Guy Fierri with a meat tenderizer?
As you all know… there is nothing I hate more than a self-important, hoity-toity Yuppie pin-head. I mean – after communists, politicians and soccer. To my way of thinking – your liberal, Lexus-driving Yuppies have ruined most of America.
And as a sub-category of your American Yuppie – there is nothing I hate more than your Yuppie Foodie. These are your twisted idiots that took eating… and turned it into some kind of stupid culinary adventure. What the hell!?! You know who they are, too – they’re the ones on TV chopping fresh vegetables on a cutting board. Oh, that’s so precious. I say if the good Lord had meant for us to eat fresh vegetables… he would not have created the freezer. Or the can…
Anyways – I was ragging on these bone-head yuppie foodies on the Food Channel last night with the Meeker boys – when Dub Meeker goes, ‘Hang on, Earl… this is a case of you calling the kettle black.’ He goes, ‘Earl – I don’t know if you realize this – but you are a redneck foodie, son’
And I go, ‘You’re nuts.’ Dub says… ‘Really? Didn’t you spend a half hour last night discussing the difference between Rice-a-Roni and Pasta-Roni? You were saying how if it’s browned right… Rice-a-Roni has a delightful crunch you can’t get with Pasta-Roni.’ He goes, ‘That’s a redneck foodie, right there…’
And he goes, ‘How many years have we argued hash browns or home fries? And who has a mental list of acceptable barbecue joints? Who has their own sauce at the wing place? He goes, ‘You are a redneck foodie, Earl.’
He goes, ‘Have you ever noticed when you’re eating potato chips – you drink lite beer. But when you switch to Cheeto’s you change to regular beer?” I says, ‘I do?? It just goes together better that way’ He goes… ‘Okay, Iron Chef Michael Symon… whatever you say…’
Wake up, America!!! Holy cow – apparently I’m as stuck up as Bobby Flay. Somehow – I came up with five different fried balony recipes over the years – and didn’t notice. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Like me on Facebook. And Pitts Off.