I have warned y’all repeatedly about the wussification of the American male. Your all-American, red-blooded, hard-workin’ male of the species is now about as rare as left-overs at Rosie O’Donnell’s house.
Women have done everything they could to chick us up….girl-ify us. They have systematically stripped away everything that makes us men.
Here is just the latest example of what I’m talkin’ ’bout. What do you think is the number one concern of men today? What is the number one thing on every man’s mind…the thing that’s got him most worried. Well – accordin’ to the commercials I been watchin….it’s underwear tags.
What!!??! Used to be…you wanted to make a man happy….you bought him a new gun rack for his truck….or a new trollin’ motor for his bass boat. You want to impress a man today? You buy him underpants without tags!!
These commercials go…tag-less underpants don’t scratch – they don’t itch. Lemme ask you a question …..are you a real man!?!….or are you the Princess an’ the Pea?? I mean – holy smokes….if a real man finds a good pair of shorts that keeps his equipment sheltered with room, comfort an’ support….he don’t care if the waist band is made outta sand paper!!
An’ you know who they got sellin’ tagless underpants? Michael Jordan!!! The greatest basketball player of all time….turns out to be the biggest wuss, too!!
Yeah – when Michael Jordan goes all sensitive an’ turns girl on us….what chance do the rest of us have???
Wake up, America! An’ by the way Michael….you try to tear the tag off my underpants….you’re gonna pull back a bloody stump, son. I don’t need your hands back there. That’s creepy. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.