You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna go to the football hall of fame… and let Jack Lambert and Dick Butkis fight over my head like it was a fumble? Dang… Women referees!
Yeah – it’s that time again… it’s football season. And once again – Earl Pitts will not be participating. That’s right – I ain’t watching the NFL this year. And no – I ain’t no stuck-up Trump zombie protesting the players protesting. Hell – they could paint eye-balls on the back of their pants… bend over and ventrili-quize the national anthem with their butt cheeks for all I care. I’m usually taking a leak or fixing a samich before the game starts anyway. So I ain’t gonna see it – and I don’t care.
I ain’t watching… on account of – they got women referees now. And just like the rest of America is doing today… I know y’all are ‘jumping to delusions’ when I say that. No – I am one of the biggest supporters of women today. When women have took to the streets and are shouting … ‘MeToo’… I’m right behind you going… ‘MeThree, sister!!!!’ Yeah, baby!!!’
No – What Gets Me Is…
Women have evolved to the point where they believe telling men what we did wrong… is their job. And now we are giving them whistles to do it!?! That is what your basic scientifical expert on human behavior would call… ‘a disturbing trend.’ You mark my words… in two years – every referee on the field is gonna be a women… and there will be more whistles blowing than a Boxcar Willie concert.
And then get this… this year… to what you call – tweak the ridiculousness of the NFL – they brung in man cheerleaders. Yeah – there is teams out there right now with man cheerleaders on the sideline.
I swear to you – this is what’s gonna happen sometimes this year. A player is gonna run out of bounds… and smack right into that women referees as sideline judge they got there now. She’s gonna fall backerts into a male cheerleader. And when they’re pickin’ themselves off the ground… they are gonna look at each other… and think they’re in some kind of body-switchin’ Freaky Friday movie. I can’t watch that.
Wake up, America! So NFL – good luck and have a good season. Earl Pitts will not be there to enjoy it. Unless of course… it’s a good game. I got my principles – but I’m not an idiot. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.