Why in the hell are we trying to make monkeys smart?

By on August 18, 2014
Smart Monkey

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna start punching a cinder-block wall – until one of us gives? And it won’t be me.

I been thinking more about this monkey movie. Number one – because it is one of the few movies I have actually gone an’ seen… because I like monkeys. And number two – because I found it particularly disturbing. In fact – I would call it the cautionary tale of our time.

Here’s the scary part. You know… in real life… there are actual people working on making monkeys smarter. Oh – I seen in on the Discovery Channel. They’re communicating with gorillas using sign language and stuff.

Okay – so everybody in the country pretty much knows the story of the Planet of the Apes, right? So what brain-dead nimrod in their right stinking mind goes…’Well – and ape is ten times stronger than a man. And an ape has four hands. Why don’t we make him as smart as a human, too.’

Here’s my idea – No!!! There is nothing good that can come out of that!! If you come face to face with a gorilla in the wild – here’s a run-down on the possibilities. Number one – you will not out-run him through the jungle. Number two – you will not-out-wrestle him when he catches you. And Number three – when you grab his hands to stop him from smacking you – he’s still got two more hands free.

Your only shot at survival – is out-thinking him. Well – up until now!! Thank you, science.

Here’s another one I been reading about. Monkeys might be smart – but dolphins are smarter. Dolphins might actually be the smartest animals on the planet – right after humans. So what are we doing? We have taught them to work for the military. They’re attacking enemy frogmen. They’re spying on enemy ships and planting explosives on enemy boats. You know – it don’t take a genius to look into the future 20 years… and see dolphins running the world. What is wrong with us?

Wake up, America! Why does it seem like the animals are getting smarter – while the humans are getting stupider? Think about it. Every time you teach your dog a new trick… he’s one step closer to taking you out. I’m Earl Pitts, American… And Pitts Off.

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