You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna take those Fruit of the Loom boys down to the zoo – and throw them to the monkeys? White socks – Official foot-gear of the American Redneck.
You know what don’t get no credit… no thank you… and no fan-fare in this world today? Besides yours truly – I mean.
Here’s what I’m thinking. Socks. To be more precise – the official foot-gear of the American Redneck – white socks. Now – I was thinking on this… because my old lady just bought me a bag of new white socks.
And let me tell you something. When a redneck slips on his new white socks for the first time… he knows what a newlywed bride must feel like when she slips on her first nightie. The anticipation… the fabric sliding against the skin… the goose-bumps… the quickening of the heart. And remember – this is just putting on his white socks.
Yuppies and white socks
That’s how come I can never understand when I see them brain-dead Yuppie idiots walking around in shoes with naked feet in them. They say – it’s too hot for socks, Earl. Yeah – well – it’s too hot for underpants, too… but I’m still wearing them.
That’s what it is – socks is underpants for your feet. And no real American man is walking around foot commando.
Now to the question – how come redneck socks got to be white? Number one – easier to clean. You don’t got to pull a load out of the dryer – and start matching up colors. Because white socks – all match. Fact is – you know how people all complain about the dryer eating their socks… they’re always missing a sock?? If all you got is white socks – you’d never know. Until you were down to one.
Think of the time that would save you each year – looking for lost socks.
Wake up, America!!! The other question – mid-calf length. Knee socks if you’re on a softball team… ankle length if you’re on a yacht. Everybody else – standard issue. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Like me on Facebook. And Pitts Off.