When did Pretend Soccer become an American Sport?

By on November 16, 2013

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna chew glass?

I’m glad I’ll be dead by time the kids gettin’ born’ed today get to be our age.  Because it’s gonna be a mess.  Your society today is growin’ up about the dumbest, lamest, most helpless, worthless, clueless off-spring ever.  I mean – cute kids!!!   But dumber’n a bag full a squirrels.

16215395_sI’ll give you this newest example.  You know how they got some kids’ sports now – where they don’t keep score?   Yeah – on account of they don’t want to ruin kids with the concept of winning an’ losin’.  Uh huh….you know what they call kids that don’t know the concept of winnin’ an’ losin?   Yep – losers!!

Now here’s the newest version of this….I am not makin’ this up.  There is a little kids’ soccer league in Ontario, Canada….they don’t use soccer balls.   The parents an’ the league figured if you had a bunch a’ little kids runnin’ around an’ kickin’ a ball….they might become too competitive.  An’ as most of you touchy-feely, Kumbaya, pinko liberal parents know….bein’ competitive is bad.   So the little kids run up an’ down the field…kicking an imaginary ball.  It’s like a pretend soccer league.

13172923_sThey say the little kids like it.  A’ course little kids also like to pick their noses an’ eat dirt…that don’t mean we as parents should encourage them doin’ it!!

CaptainMorganYeah – they got ‘air soccer’ in Canada.  You know that picture every soccer mom’s got….with her little player standin’ in their uniform…holdin’ a trophy and one foot up on a soccer ball?  There’s no ball there.  Instead of soccer….it looks like the kid’s doin’ a Captain Morgan commercial!!

Wake up, America!   I got an idea for all you dopey parents out there with kids playin’ pretend soccer.  We all might be better off — if we just gave you pretend kids.  Because you’re embarrassin’ life as we know it.  I’m Earl Pitts, American.

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