You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna work the shovel at a Clydesdale convention?
Yeah – I had a interesting thing happened the other day. I was on my Facebook page on that Internet thing…an’ I mentioned I have never been to a cocktail party.
Now – that’s kind of weird… but kind of understandable. Out where we live… they don’t got cocktail parties. They got drinking parties… birthday parties… wedding parties… New Year’s eve parties. They just don’t got cocktail parties.
I mean – can we all agree… the good Lord gave us beer to make up for all the other crap we got to put up with. Anything beyond that – is unnecessary.
Yeah -out where we live…a mixed drink is chasing a shot of Jack with a beer. So I asked on my Facebook page…in the unlikely event I was to ever throw a cocktail party – what’s a good redneck cocktail?
Man – you people come out of the woodwork… an’ I appreciate that. First of all – it turns out your Mountain Dew is a major player for your creative redneck drinking. A guy named Jim said Mountain Dew, Tequila an’ Grenadine makes something called a Mountain Sunshine… while Melanie likes her Dew with Vodka. I figure the Dew is there to get you bouncing off the walls. The alcohol is there so it don’t hurt so much.
A guy named Joseph likes salad olives and vodka… from a cereal bowl. Thank you, Captain Crunch. And Denny says mix 50-50 beer and tomato juice. Then when somebody bops you in the head an’ goes… ‘you could a’ had a V-8.’… you could think – ‘I could’a got drunk.’
An’ I like this one… John says you take a Arnold Palmer. You know what that is, right? That’s mixing ice tea with lemonade. Throw in a shot a’ Jack… and that’s called – a John Daly. Hey – throw in a whole bottle of Jack – and I think that’d be called a Lindsay Lohan.
Wake up, America. If you got some other ideas for redneck cocktails… leave’em in the comments below. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.