You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna rip the linoleum off a bus-terminal bathroom floor – with my teeth??!
Let me say this… over the years – men have been conditioned to take a lot of crap. You notice whenever there’s a war… they don’t send the women and children. When the boat is sinking and they’re manning the lifeboats – who do they call to get in first? Not the men. We get it, okay.
Here’s the only thing any man worth his salt wants out of life… a good routine.
Ladies – we are simple animals. We figure out the fastest, cheapest, easiest way to get through life – and we’re good. Every day for the rest of our lives.
Like my old lady says to me last night – she goes, ‘Earl… you do the same thing the same way every day. You get up… go to the same old job… come home… go to work at the same old bar… come home… go to bed.’ And I add… ‘with the same old woman…’ She ignores that and she says, ‘Earl – you are in a rut, son. Don’t you ever wanna change up your life? Don’t you ever want to shake things up?
That’s stupid talk. It took me over 40 years to get this down. It’s like if you watch the movie Shawshank Redemption with your old lady. That movie’s over… and a woman will go… ‘I can’t believe that old boy dug a hole through a brick wall with a spoon… and it took him 10 years. Men don’t just believe it. We’re doing it!!!
Yeah – that’s what you call your metaphone for a man’s life. We’re just trying to get free… spoonful of cement at a time!
In fact – what you ladies call, ‘shaking things up.’ … men consider, ‘messing things up.’ We drink the same morning coffee out of the same coffee cup… go to the same job… come home to our same families… and watch our same shows. And I submit to you women – that is not a rut. That is life. And we like it. And that’s all your man needs to keep him happy. Until the boat starts to sink.
Wake up, America. Let’s face it – when a man tries to do something different – when he tries to shake things up – that’s usually when he ends up on COPS. Keep it simple – keep it routine. I’m Earl Pitts, American …and Pitts Off.