We only need one Super Hero

By on May 14, 2014

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna  create my own super hero – Redneck Man!!  He wouldn’t be faster than a speedin’ bullet… but he would definitely be going over the speed limit.

Yeah – here’s my thought today.  Super Heroes… are stupid.  Every time you turn around – they got some new cockamamie super hero popping up.  They got your super hero movies… your super hero TV shows.  Hell – on Halloween… I had so many little Spidermans coming to my house… I didn’t know if I should answer the door with candy… or a shoe.  And smack them suckers.

Point being – Super Heroes are stupid.    Did you see this guy they got on – Thor?  You know what super power Thor’s got?   He’s got a hammer.  Yeah.  Hey – Trini Lopez had a hammer, too… that didn’t make him no stinking Super Hero.

Hey Thor… you got a hammer – that don’t make you no super hero, son.  That makes you a carpenter.

The problem with all these Super Heroes is… you only need one.  Once you got Superman – why do you need all these other lame-butt, loser weasels?    I heard a story where they were gonna team up Superman with Batman to fight crime.  Yeah…  Why?

Superman needs Batman like Kate Upton needs a zit in the middle of her forehead.   I have seen Superman fly out into outer space… start flying in orbit the opposite direction the earth was spinning… actually change the rotation of the earth… and turn back time… to save somebody’s life.  Batman’s got a bat-a-rang.   Which is basically your middle-evil technology… on a belt.  Yeah – I don’t know how Superman made it this far… without a really strong string.

An’ don’t even get me started on Spideman.  Your super power is what?   You got spider webs coming out of your hands?   Ahh, yeah – we’ll get back to you…..

Wake up, America.  Putting Batman together with Superman….is like having some idiot riding shotgun with Jimmie Johnson in the Daytona 500.  Unnecessary – unwelcome… an’ just taking up space.  I’m Earl Pitts, American… and Pitts Off.

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