You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna choke a giraffe? My little boy told me one time – a giraffe doesn’t make any noise. I bet it does when it’s getting strangled.
This has got me crazier than a baboon with jock itch. We was down at the Duck Inn last night… and Runt Wilson was telling me he read my book. You know – y’all can get on that Amazon there and buy my book – called ‘Wake Up, America.’
Only this new guy was setting there… and he goes, ‘Wake up America’?? And I go, ‘That’s right, son.’ And he goes… ‘You stole that from FOX News…?’ And he tells us there’s some knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing nincompoop on the Fox News channel… got this thing he calls – ‘Wake Up America.’ And yes – I realize calling somebody a knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing nincompoop on Fox News – does not exactly narrow down the suspects… But I’m getting a little hot under the collar.
I go, ‘Son… I have been trying to Wake Up America!!! for decades.’ And he goes – this pant-load on the TV has been doing it for over three months.
And that’s when it hit me – Fox News has gone and stole my thunder. Now – you might remember – it was just in the news where some idiot singers somewheres just got nailed for lifting a song from Marvin Gaye from long ago. And they ended up paying Marvin Gaye’s family something like 20-million dollars. Now I ask you – how is what Fox News did to me… any different?
I got to find out who’s doing this on the Fox News channel – for my legal paperwork. I’m pretty sure it ain’t Uma Pamaraju… she’s too gorgeous to be an intellectual property thief. And I’m pretty sure it ain’t Bill Hemmer – he doesn’t strike me as smart enough. So I’m gonna do me a little investigating – and then I’m going to war – with Fox News.
And this new guy goes, ‘You can’t copyright ‘Wake Up America’. He goes, ‘A lot of people say that…’ And I go… ‘And I know where a lot of people got it.’
Wake up, America!!! Copyright Earl Pitts 2015, All rights reserved Any use of those three words without the expressed written consent of Earl Pitts, American strictly prohibited. And that means you – Fox News. So let’s get ready to rumble. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Buy my book Man Rules… And Pitts Off.