You know what makes me sick? You know what makes makes me so mad I just wanna snap the beak off a wood-pecker… so when he starts beating his head against a tree-trunk… he’d know how I feel living in America some times…?
Yeah – I guess you seen where the government is tightening the screws on the Washington Redskins. If you been following this… everybody thinks the name Washington Redskins is offensive to Indians. Well – everybody except Indians. Which is curious – but that’s how it works in America these days… we’re so big-hearted… we feel offended for other people. Yeah.
So now the US trademark people have took the Redskins trademark away from the owner of the team. Now – I think y’all know me… I don’t want to offend anybody – but this might be taking it too far. So I called a meeting of my organization – People Offended by Offended People… or POOP for short. We had the meeting on my Facebook page… and asked – ‘If they can take away your trademark because it offends people… what other names are in danger?’
I started the ball rolling with the Cleveland Indians… Red Man tobacco… Indian Motorcycles… and of course, TV’s lovable Wonder Years actor, Fred Savage. They would all have to change their names.
Several members of POOP… or as I like to call y’all – ‘Poopies’… mentioned that the offensive part of the Washington Redskins name – might very well be ‘Washington’. On account of – it reminds hard-working, flag-waving regular Americans of… well, Washington. Then a guy named Marty said George Washington was also a wealthy white man who owned slaves, grew hemp and sold whiskey. Right there you’re offending poor people, black people and Mothers Against Drunk Driving.
John said the Dallas Cowboys offended Indians… on account of Cowboys killed Indians. Well – that – and because Tony Romo sucks. Kimberly wondered if the St. Louis Cardinals ain’t secretly religious… which would be a violation of church and sports. And Wayne says skiers all over the world feel threatened by the Colorado Avalanche…
Trademark department – we got a lot of work to do.
Wake up, America. I’m reminded what my great, great grandpa Abraham Lincoln Pitts once said. ‘You can offend some of the people all of the time. And you can offend all of the people some of the time. But you can’t offend anybody with something better to do.’ Think about it. I’m Earl Pitts, American… and Pitts Off.