You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna pick ticks off a grizzly bear’s butt… with my teeth?
Well – I have now seen the dumbest TV show on earth. And considering all the dumb TV shows on all the earth – that’s saying something!!! Have you all seen this one. It’s called – The Briefcase. And it’s what some TV critics are calling – poor people porn.
What they do on this show… is they put a hundred thousand dollars in a briefcase – knock on somebody’s door – and hand’em the money. These are poor people, salt of the earth types… struggling to get by. And the briefcase guy goes – ‘You can keep all this money. Or… I’m going to introduce you to another family – worst off than you. And you can give all or part of the money in the briefcase to this other family.
Oh – and this other family is a piece of work… guaranteed. They got a Daddy been in the war – got his brain messed up with that STP. Got a mama needs a new leg. And their little boy, Tiny Tim needs an operation… or he won’t be around for the holidays. And for one full hour – we watch this family struggling with their decision.
I don’t know why it’s a struggle. It’s very easy. Keep the money. I mean, if they knocked on my door with the briefcase… the show would be five minutes long. ‘Thank you – I’m keeping the money.’ ‘But Earl… we want to show you the video of Tiny Tim at Crutch Camp.’ ‘No thank you – I’m keeping the money.’
The way I figure it – I do not play the lottery twice a week – not including scratch offs – with the intention of winning a jackpot – and then giving it to somebody less fortunate than myself. I am the less fortunate – let them buy their own tickets.
My old lady says – if you don’t share at least some of the money – you look evil and selfish. And I says… ‘Yeah – and when the guy with the briefcase knocked on the door and we opened it – we looked poor.’ At least we took care of that.
Wake up, America!!! And my old lady goes… ‘Earl… what if we were that second family? ‘ And I says, “Pearl… have you looked around? Have you noticed our lives? We ARE the second family. The only people knocking on our door – are the Jehovah’s Witness. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.