How to tell the stages of a marriage

By on January 9, 2015
Stages of a Marriage

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna scrape that orange jelly-looking stuff off the inside wall of a dumpster… and put it on my breakfast toast?

Lemme tell you something.  I have been married a long time.  Of course – when you’re hitched to my old lady… every year can seem like ten.  But fact is – we have hung in there.  We’re still man and wife.  And we have covered prit near every one of those marriage vows the preacher throwed at us way back when.

We have been better… we have been worse.  We have been sick and we have been healthy.  We have been poorer – a lot.  And we’re still waiting to get richer.

That got me to thinking this morning… the ways you can tell the stages of a marriage.   And here’s where you can tell where you are in your marriage – at the breakfast table.

When we first got hitched… my old lady was up before me – slaving in that kitchen to please her man.  She’d be frying up sausages… homemade biscuits and gravy… eggs any way I wanted’em.  And fresh, hot percolated coffee.  I remember one time – she actually bought regular oranges… and squeezed’em to make me orange juice.  And she said I was her main squeeze.  Get it?

Then our little girl, Sandra Dee come along.  She’d be up all night with that kid… so maybe I’d get a fried egg and some toast.  Then by time Earl Junior come along… it was corn flakes… and stopping at the gas station on the way to work for coffee.

This morning – it was a cigarette… a cup of instant coffee… and powdered donut holes.  I’m telling you – the magic is gone.

Wake Up, America!!!  I don’t want to tinkle in nobody’s Wheaties here… but if you think you got a good marriage – and you ate a Pop Tart in the car driving to work… You’re only kidding yourself.  I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Check out my YouTube channel .  And Pitts Off.

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