You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad, I just wanna play Patty-Cake, Patty-Cake Baker Man… with Freddie Krueger?
I am here today in the defense of my country. I’ve been setting through a lot of sports on the TV during a cold winter. You had your all-star games, your Pro-Bowls… the Super Bowl. Got the Daytona coming up.
Here’s a simple request. Can we find one talented person in this whole ding-durn country that can sing the Star-Spangled Banner correctly as wrote? I mean – you get some whacked-out singers on there that take off on some scat-singing, rapper, head-banger, doobie-doo tangent. That’s about the time the cameras cut to a couple of old boys in the stands – ball-caps on their hearts – and they’re looking at each other like – ‘How the hell are we supposed to follow that.’
And let’s get this straight. I do enjoy it when a big-name professional singer makes a song their own. But not this song.
The Star-Spangled Banner is supposed to be sung with two-parts pride, two-parts honor, and one-part high notes most of us can’t reach. That’s it – it’s that simple.
I mean – you don’t go to church on Sundays and a visiting preacher leads you in the Lord’s Prayer. And all of a sudden, he’s got lines in there he made up. I figure the Lord’s Prayer is the Lord’s Prayer. And Lord help you if you screw it up.
Same deal with the Star-Spangled Banner.
And while we’re at it, ‘Hey, TV show producer with the red fireworks when they sing about the rockets’ red glare. Yeah – that was clever – the first 500 times we seen it.’ I can’t believe the people in the stadium still go nuts like they were totally surprised. Did they only sell tickets to mouth-breathing, clueless morons?
Wake up, America! Now I have heard several singers and musicians say the Star- Spangled Banner is actually a difficult song to perform. I just wish y’all wouldn’t keep proving it. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.