My Shark Tank business proposal… the Post

By on September 16, 2015
The Post

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna pinch clothespins on my nipples and sing like Lady Gaga?  With clothespins on her nipples.

It turns out… all these years I could have been as rich as my wildest dreams – and I did not realize it.  I could have been stinking, filthy rich if I would have just paid attention.

Lemme ask you a question.  You ever seen this TV show they got on there – called the Shark Tank?  It’s where these smart-butt, slick-looking billionaires give bozos like you and me millions of dollars for their simple business ideas.   Well – the dumb thing is… me and my buddy, Dub Meeker come up with the greatest, most wonderful business item of all time – maybe twenty years ago.  We just didn’t know where to go with it.   We never thought to take it to a rich person.

We call our idea – the post.  What it is… is a post.  It’s pretty big… made from a tree… and usually sticks in the ground.   Now – when we were kids – everybody had a post in their backyard.  Some families would tie a line from it to the house – and hang clothes on it to dry.  Some families would string a wire to it and put up a backyard light.

You could tie a dog to it.  Hunters could hang whatever they shot to it to dress their kill.  You could nail a No Trespassing sign to it.  Sometimes families would have a fence… that ended at the post.  If you had two posts… you could put a gate between them.

Now – you drive through America today… and look at your modern suburban backyard.  Do you know what’s missing from millions of yards across this country?  A post.  Trust me on this – this could be huge.

And I know what you’re thinking – that beady-eyed bald idiot, Mr. Wonderful is gonna say … ‘The post is a product.  It’s not a company.  I don’t see how it can succeed.’    That’s because I didn’t tell you about our brand extension.  A small, compact and portable version of the post.  We call it… the stick.

Wake up, America.  The Post… and the Stick.  They’re both made from earth-friendly materials… grown right here in America.   I know some people say – it’s just a log, Earl.   The genius is – setting it upright.   I’m Earl Pitts – buy my new book Man Rules.   And Pitts Off.

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