My Shark Tank business proposal… the Post
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna pinch clothespins on my nipples and sing like Lady Gaga? With clothespins on her nipples.
It turns out… all these years I could have been as rich as my wildest dreams – and I did not realize it. I could have been stinking, filthy rich if I would have just paid attention.
Lemme ask you a question. You ever seen this TV show they got on there – called the Shark Tank? It’s where these smart-butt, slick-looking billionaires give bozos like you and me millions of dollars for their simple business ideas. Well – the dumb thing is… me and my buddy, Dub Meeker come up with the greatest, most wonderful business item of all time – maybe twenty years ago. We just didn’t know where to go with it. We never thought to take it to a rich person.
We call our idea – the post. What it is… is a post. It’s pretty big… made from a tree… and usually sticks in the ground. Now – when we were kids – everybody had a post in their backyard. Some families would tie a line from it to the house – and hang clothes on it to dry. Some families would string a wire to it and put up a backyard light.
You could tie a dog to it. Hunters could hang whatever they shot to it to dress their kill. You could nail a No Trespassing sign to it. Sometimes families would have a fence… that ended at the post. If you had two posts… you could put a gate between them.
Now – you drive through America today… and look at your modern suburban backyard. Do you know what’s missing from millions of yards across this country? A post. Trust me on this – this could be huge.
And I know what you’re thinking – that beady-eyed bald idiot, Mr. Wonderful is gonna say … ‘The post is a product. It’s not a company. I don’t see how it can succeed.’ That’s because I didn’t tell you about our brand extension. A small, compact and portable version of the post. We call it… the stick.
Wake up, America. The Post… and the Stick. They’re both made from earth-friendly materials… grown right here in America. I know some people say – it’s just a log, Earl. The genius is – setting it upright. I’m Earl Pitts – buy my new book Man Rules. And Pitts Off.