You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna stuff my shorts with old bills, pens, scotch tape and McDonald’s straws… and call them my ‘junk drawers’? Shark tank.
I got to get me on that Shark Tank TV show… because I got a brilliant idea. I got an invention that every red-blooded, hard-working, right-thinking American family would use. Shark Tank.
Shark Tank here I come
I call it – my kitchen table shredder.
Now this is where they say your necessities are your mothers of invention. It dawned on me – every time we try to sit down at the kitchen table to eat together as a family… which happens at least once or twice a month… When that opportunity arises… the first thing we got to do is shovel off about three weeks of what I like to call – ‘life crap’.
You know how some people got a junk drawer in their kitchen? We got a junk table.
You got your coupon magazines on there. Postcards from some glad-handing political nitwit trying to convince you he’s fighting for you. Junk mail. National Enquirers. Fast food napkins and straws. Paper plates. Pizza boxes. Basically anything considered to be in the ‘paper family’ – that enters our house – ends up on that kitchen table.
I guess you could just wait until somebody in the family got inspired and cleaned off the table. Which will happen about the same time monkeys flew out of your butt. Let’s be honest.
Now let’s say this sounds familiar to you. And let’s say you had a table – that once a week – it kind of folded up – tilted to the middle… a gap opened up… and everything on that table got shredded? My amazing kitchen table shredder gives your kitchen a neat, tidy appearance. And – it keeps the cat off the table.
Wake up America!!! You’re thinking them Shark Tank people won’t be interested … ’cause millionaires and billionaires don’t have kitchen table covered with ‘life crap’. Of course they do – it’s just higher end garbage. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Check out my Instagram… And Pitts Off.