You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna juggle baby chicks – over a pit of vicious weasels?
Yeah – you know what these ham-handed, dopey idiots are doing now? They are trying to make retirement look bad. Yeah – I guess they need old people to work longer or something. Or maybe these devious so-and-so’s want us to delay getting social security a couple years. So, they come up with a plan – ragging on retirement.
Yeah – I heard this story on here the other day where they interviewed thousands of senior citizens. And this is how most of these old-timers described retirement after just one year. Lonely – boring – and sad. And only after just one year.
Nice try – geniuses. But I ain’t buying it. Let me tell you about Earl Pitts’ retirement. First of all – I been thinking about and planning for is my retirement – since my first day at work – ever! I remember being 18 years old and counting down the years and months ‘til I retired.
Planning for Retirement
Number one – when I get retired…the only one waking me up in the morning – is gonna be the good Lord. Or bacon in the frying pan.
Number two – I am not going to miss the people at work. On account of – if we were all truly honest – most of the people we work with are dummies. Or jerks. Most nights I come home more frustrated than a monkey with a rubber banana. In fact – am I the only one who saw the movie Castaway – where Tom Hanks gets stuck on a deserted island all by his lonesome for five years – and thought – ‘Now that’s the way to go.’?
Number three – this lonely and bored scenario they’re getting us to buy – is 360 degrees opposite to them retirement commercials on the TV. You ever seen them commercials- where old people are golfing somewheres in Florida? Then there’s a bunch of old ladies in the pool doing pool exercising. Then this old couple is having a barbecue at sunset…with a bunch of other old people…and they’re clinking wine glasses…and hugging each other as the sun sets.
That’s how I see my retirement. Minus the golf. And the pool. And wine. But me and my old lady can still set in the back yard – clinking long-necks.
Wake up, America!! Sweet, beautiful retirement. Somewhere out there – there’s a bobber and a nightcrawler – with my name on it. I just got to get to it. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Get my books at earlpittsbook.com. Buy my Book: MADE IN THE USA: https://amzn.to/2wKN5Ju And Pitts Off.