You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna make a wish… and snap a wishbone with my old lady? While it’s still in a live chicken!! best friends with women
You know – people are all the time asking me for my advice. Partly because I’m a beer-tender and behind the bar – it’s hard to get away from people. And partly because I am widely regarded as a genius. But mostly because I’m stuck behind the bar.
Anyways there was this guy in the Duck Inn the other night… and he was saying it’s a scientific fact that a man cannot be best friends with women. He says on account of – sooner or later they will become sexually attracted to each other. And that gets in the way of a good friendship. You know – I was thinking. I do not have any women friends. And I like it that way. But it ain’t because I’m worried about getting turned on by a friend. Something – I might add – I do not have to worry about with Dub Meeker. best friends with women
Lots a reasons I ain’t best friends with women.
Number one – I don’t have to look at pictures. Baby pictures, prom pictures, vacation pictures. Women love to show pictures. Men hate to look at’em. This way – I don’t got to hurt nobody’s feelings. Best friends with women
Number two – I don’t got to set there listening to some woman yammering away about every kid, husband, parent, uncle, aunt, neighbor, in-law this side of death. I don’t got to pretend to listen. And I don’t got to pretend to care.
Number three – I don’t got to go shopping. I don’t got to go to any chick flicks. I don’t got to go to the bathroom with another human being. I don’t got to go to Zumba class or through a salad bar. And I sure as hell don’t got to sit on a phone three hours a night going, ‘Uh huh… Uh huh… Uh huh…’ best friends with women
Wake up, America. Number four… I don’t get invited to no baby showers. I don’t get invited to no bridal showers. If you don’t have a woman friend… technically – you don’t even have to take a shower. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Like me on Facebook – and Pitts Off. best friends with women