Lots of reasons I ain’t best friends with women

By on September 12, 2014
Can't be Best Friends with Women

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna make a wish… and snap a wishbone with my old lady?  While it’s still in a live chicken!! best friends with women

You know – people are all the time asking me for my advice.  Partly because I’m a beer-tender and behind the bar – it’s hard to get away from people.   And partly because I am widely regarded as a genius.  But mostly because I’m stuck behind the bar.

Anyways  there was this guy in the Duck Inn the other night… and he was saying it’s a scientific fact that a man cannot be best friends with women.  He says on account of – sooner or later they will become sexually attracted to each other.  And that gets in the way of a good friendship. You know – I was thinking.  I do not have any women friends.  And I like it that way.  But it ain’t because I’m worried about getting turned on by a friend.  Something – I might add – I do not have to worry about with Dub Meeker. best friends with women

Lots a reasons I ain’t best friends with women.

Number one – I don’t have to look at pictures.  Baby pictures, prom pictures, vacation pictures.  Women love to show pictures.  Men hate to look at’em.  This way – I don’t got to hurt nobody’s feelings. Best friends with women

Number two – I don’t got to set there listening to some woman yammering away about every kid, husband, parent, uncle, aunt, neighbor, in-law this side of death.  I don’t got to pretend to listen.  And I don’t got to pretend to care.

Number three – I don’t got to go shopping.  I don’t got to go to any chick flicks.  I don’t got to go to the bathroom with another human being.  I don’t got to go to Zumba class or through a salad bar.  And I sure as hell don’t got to sit on a phone three hours a night going, ‘Uh huh… Uh huh… Uh huh…’ best friends with women

Wake up, America.  Number four… I don’t get invited to no baby showers.  I don’t get invited to no bridal showers.  If you don’t have a woman friend… technically – you don’t even have to take a shower.   I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Like me on Facebook – and Pitts Off.  best friends with women

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