No real man wants to be caught standing in line

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna  go down to the Boy’s and Girl’s club… and punch orphans?

Yeah – no real man wants to stand in no stupid line.  End of story.  See, my old lady and the neighbor-lady,  Naomi is already talkin’ about what discount store they want to stand in line for on Thanksgiving night.  And my little boy, Earl Jr. and a couple a’ his pimple-faced idiot buddies say they’re gonna stand in line at the video game store for some dimwit new video game they got coming out. Caught standing in line

That’s when I decided to come up with a list of things I WILL NOT stand in line for.  And it’s a pretty big list.  I will not stand in line for a stupid new phone… a stupid new movie… a stupid sale… some stupid government hand-out… to see some stupid banshee screamin’ idiot singer and her stupid loser band.  Why?  Because that’s stupid. Caught standing in line

I will not stand in line to be the first to buy anything… see anything… or go anywhere.  And I sure as hell ain’t gonna stand in line for a chance to see some high-horse political pant-load… and shake his hand.  I will not stand in line to take a leak – if the line is outside and there is a tree, an alley or a parked car nearby. Caught standing in line

People ask me all the time – ‘Earl, how come you don’t fly.’   Number one – because there’s no place I want to go.  Number two – I don’t want to stand in line.  I don’t want to stand in line at the bank… at the grocery store… and especially not at the DMV.   I know guys still in line at the DMV – that got in the line – back in May!!  I’d rather pay the fine and court fees.  And possibly a small amount of jail time.

In fact – I hate lines so much… if the Good Lord pulled my number right now… and there was a line at the Pearly Gates… I might think twice.  Of course the way this world’s going… I’m thinking the line down below – is a lot longer.  So, then again – I might think twice – about thinking twice. Caught standing in line

Wake Up, America!!!  Obviously you gotta be thinking… ’Is there anything you WOULD stand in line for, Earl?  The only thing I can think of involves Shania Twain and a water trough full of Cool Whip.  So I might as well just answer no. Because there’d be a real long line for that.   I’m Earl Pitts, America.   Check out my YouTube channel Earl Pitts – by Earl Pitts.  And Pitts Off.

Caught standing in line

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