No real man wants to be caught standing in line

By on November 17, 2014
caught standing in line

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna  go down to the Boy’s and Girl’s club… and punch orphans?

Yeah – no real man wants to stand in no stupid line.  End of story.  See, my old lady and the neighbor-lady,  Naomi is already talkin’ about what discount store they want to stand in line for on Thanksgiving night.  And my little boy, Earl Jr. and a couple a’ his pimple-faced idiot buddies say they’re gonna stand in line at the video game store for some dimwit new video game they got coming out. Caught standing in line

That’s when I decided to come up with a list of things I WILL NOT stand in line for.  And it’s a pretty big list.  I will not stand in line for a stupid new phone… a stupid new movie… a stupid sale… some stupid government hand-out… to see some stupid banshee screamin’ idiot singer and her stupid loser band.  Why?  Because that’s stupid. Caught standing in line

I will not stand in line to be the first to buy anything… see anything… or go anywhere.  And I sure as hell ain’t gonna stand in line for a chance to see some high-horse political pant-load… and shake his hand.  I will not stand in line to take a leak – if the line is outside and there is a tree, an alley or a parked car nearby. Caught standing in line

People ask me all the time – ‘Earl, how come you don’t fly.’   Number one – because there’s no place I want to go.  Number two – I don’t want to stand in line.  I don’t want to stand in line at the bank… at the grocery store… and especially not at the DMV.   I know guys still in line at the DMV – that got in the line – back in May!!  I’d rather pay the fine and court fees.  And possibly a small amount of jail time.

In fact – I hate lines so much… if the Good Lord pulled my number right now… and there was a line at the Pearly Gates… I might think twice.  Of course the way this world’s going… I’m thinking the line down below – is a lot longer.  So, then again – I might think twice – about thinking twice. Caught standing in line

Wake Up, America!!!  Obviously you gotta be thinking… ’Is there anything you WOULD stand in line for, Earl?  The only thing I can think of involves Shania Twain and a water trough full of Cool Whip.  So I might as well just answer no. Because there’d be a real long line for that.   I’m Earl Pitts, America.   Check out my YouTube channel Earl Pitts – by Earl Pitts.  And Pitts Off.

Caught standing in line

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