If I won Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna let as martial arts expert break two-by-fours over my head?
You know what I spent the last couple days doing? I been day-dreaming how I would spend that five-thousand dollars a week if I won the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes. Or maybe I should say ‘when’ I win it. Might as well be positive.
Now – five thousand dollars a week… for the rest of your life… is what people out where we live like to call – a crap load of money. That’s ridiculous money. That’s the kind of money – Bill Gates could be your pool boy. And his buddy, Jimmy Buffett could drive your limo.
That’s the kind of money you could be cautious and invest… squirrel away for a rainy day… pay off your bills… make sensible real estate purchases… and still have about four grand a week to blow!!
Now – it strikes me there’s all sorts of financing experts, money gurus and estate planning nit-wits out there with all sorts of ideas how to be responsible with that kind of cash. What you’re gonna need is somebody who knows how to go through money faster than Chinese food goes through somebody with irritable bowel syndrome. And that – ladies and gentlemen… would be me.
Here’s my theory on this. No matter how stupid and lame-brained some of these ideas might seem. No matter how fool-hardy and dumb they might sound – just remember. You’re getting another check for five grand next week. So what the hell? Am I right?
Number one – you’re gonna need bigger tires on that truck. What you need is just this side of street legal. Even if they’re not legal… it’s not like you don’t have the money to pay the fine. Am I right? Number two – let me just say three words to you – hot – air – balloon. I don’t exactly get it – but I know they’re expensive. Unless – of course – you’re making five grand a week.
Now – ask yourself this… how many people you know have a pet elephant?
Wake up, America!!! I always feel bad for those sports idiots who make a ton a money… and end up broke. You my friend – will not have that problem… because it’s just gonna keep coming. No matter how hard we try. I’m Earl Pitts, irresponsibility advisor and American. Pitts Off.