You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna get me a pack of dogs – go to the most isolated areas of America – and hunt hermits?
Yeah – I heard this story the other day. It’s kind of sad, but it’s also kind of telling about America today. This study they done found one in four Americans has a close relative that they haven’t seen in over ten years. Think about that.
I would suggest if you haven’t seen a close relative in ten years – you’re not actually that close. I mean – that might qualify as ‘Facebook’ close. But that’s about it.
Meeting Distant Relatives
So anyway – the researchers say this proves we got to get together this holiday season. We got to bring families back in touch. We got to reach out and embrace our relatives so nobody gets left out.
And I’m thinking – no – it means there are some people in our families we absolutely hate. You know how some people talk about the ‘black sheep of the family’? The Pitts family has a whole stinking flock!!
Yeah. Usually it’s somebody that has brought shame to the Pitts family name. And if you know anything about the Pitts Family – that’s incredibly hard to do. And when one of these loser, dead-beat cousins or uncles shows up at a family get-together, you can always tell by the greeting at the door. ‘Oh – it’s you.’
And then that’s usually followed by two hours of awkward silence and the explanation that maybe this wasn’t the best time. I mean – being Thanksgiving an all. But it was fun to meet the baby.
So – if you’re out there and ain’t seen the Pitts Family in ten years – don’t think we drifted apart. We pushed you away. Stay there. We’re having fun without you.
Wake up, America! Listen up, folks… especially you people in Florida. If you choke out your mama over a peanut butter and jelly samich – you’re not gonna be welcome there no more. That’s how these things start. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off!