You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna BMX bike ride over 20-foot jumps…on a bike with no seat?
This world is getting curiouser and curiouser – I’ll tell you that. Here is my story today. My old lady’s birthday is coming up. So, I asked her what she wanted. I might not get her what she wants. But at least she knows I’m thinking about her.
She says this year she wants one of those exercising bicycles. Only get this – not a bicycle that you take outside. No sir. This is an indoors exercise bike. One of those stationary bicycles.
She says she seen this on the TV. Where they got an indoor exercising bicycle with a computer screen on it. You turn it on – and it shows you a picture of the outside. So, you put this stationary exercise bike in your basement – push the button – and it looks like you’re riding outside.
She says she can ride along the ocean. She can ride the Swiss Alpines. In the basement!
To me – this would be like setting my kids up with YouTube videos, and telling them I got’em a cat. Okay? Sooner or later, they’re gonna catch on.
And she says, she can join a spinning wheel class. With a world class coach. All by herself. In the basement. She can join group rides – all together with other people setting on their bicycles – in their basements. It would be like the Tour de Fats! So how cool would that be?
She says think of all the people she could meet and exercise with – by herself – in the basement. She says this is the greatest thing in exercising ever.
So, I watched that TV commercial and I called those exercise bike people. Found out how much one of these miracle machines might cost. Yeah – I’m gonna get her a second-hand Schwinn.
Wake up, America!!! She’s gonna have to ride to the city park and back – pretending she’s in France – in the basement. I’ll get her a beret, too. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off!