Are You Panning Poop for Gold

By on September 4, 2015
Panning Poop for Gold

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna fight a grizzly bear – over a salmon?

Now I don’t know if you have been following the news – but this is the biggest story come down the pike in maybe my lifetime – and I am serious as sin – this is a true story.  Scientists have now concluded that maybe billions of dollars worth of precious metals… including gold and silver… are in your human waste.

They say in America – as much as four billion dollars worth of gold gets flushed down the toilet every year.  And they are trying to figure out a way to extract the gold from the sludge at the waste treatment plant.

Think about that.  While your old lady might not be the goose that laid the golden egg – she might be on “The John” right now – dropping a couple nuggets.  I mean – in the history of the world – mankind has always dug to the bowels of the earth looking for gold.  Turns out – he was just looking in the wrong bowels.

Of course – this news has got the Meeker boys thinking.  Which is always dangerous.  They came in the Duck Inn the other night… said they were now officially prospectors.  They even filed a claim.   I says, ‘You got a claim to go prospecting?’  They go, ‘Oh yeah… they claimed the porta-potties down at the softball fields.’

So I go… ‘So you are prospecting the porta-potties at the softball fields, huh?’  And Dub goes, ‘Yes sir.  And let me say first off – gold prospecting is not as glamorous as it sounds.’

I says, ‘I’m betting it ain’t.  Did you find any gold.’  And Junior Meeker says… ‘We thought we did for a minute.’   He goes, ‘I was panning poop in the porta-potty right behind the refreshment stand… and I found several large yellow nuggets.  Then he looks down at the bar and goes… ‘It was just corn.’

Wake up, America!!!   And Dub goes – ‘that’s okay – because nobody gets rich overnight.’   And he goes, ‘The reason we come in here – can we put a sluice box over your toilet?’  They are ambitious.   I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Check out my YouTube Channel… and Pitts Off.

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