Are You Panning Poop for Gold
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna fight a grizzly bear – over a salmon?
Now I don’t know if you have been following the news – but this is the biggest story come down the pike in maybe my lifetime – and I am serious as sin – this is a true story. Scientists have now concluded that maybe billions of dollars worth of precious metals… including gold and silver… are in your human waste.
They say in America – as much as four billion dollars worth of gold gets flushed down the toilet every year. And they are trying to figure out a way to extract the gold from the sludge at the waste treatment plant.
Think about that. While your old lady might not be the goose that laid the golden egg – she might be on “The John” right now – dropping a couple nuggets. I mean – in the history of the world – mankind has always dug to the bowels of the earth looking for gold. Turns out – he was just looking in the wrong bowels.
Of course – this news has got the Meeker boys thinking. Which is always dangerous. They came in the Duck Inn the other night… said they were now officially prospectors. They even filed a claim. I says, ‘You got a claim to go prospecting?’ They go, ‘Oh yeah… they claimed the porta-potties down at the softball fields.’
So I go… ‘So you are prospecting the porta-potties at the softball fields, huh?’ And Dub goes, ‘Yes sir. And let me say first off – gold prospecting is not as glamorous as it sounds.’
I says, ‘I’m betting it ain’t. Did you find any gold.’ And Junior Meeker says… ‘We thought we did for a minute.’ He goes, ‘I was panning poop in the porta-potty right behind the refreshment stand… and I found several large yellow nuggets. Then he looks down at the bar and goes… ‘It was just corn.’
Wake up, America!!! And Dub goes – ‘that’s okay – because nobody gets rich overnight.’ And he goes, ‘The reason we come in here – can we put a sluice box over your toilet?’ They are ambitious. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Check out my YouTube Channel… and Pitts Off.