You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna hoist Kirstie Alley over my head in a stunning performance of the ‘Hernia Ballet.’
Yeah – did you all see when Oprah Winfrey bought a chunk of the Weight Watcher’s company? This is true. She bought 10% of the company stock… and will now set on their board of directors… and help them sell their services. She said it was on account of… she had a wonderful, positive experience with their program.
Well dang, woman… couldn’t you just have wrote something nice on YELP?
In fact – she said the experience was so positive… she was even inspired to sell off her 30% stake in Golden Corral.
So I was thinking… when our kids was small… we had a wonder, positive experience at Disney World. We didn’t buy controlling interest in the Disney Empire. Hell – we saved for a year and a half just for two days in the park.
I don’t know if I like the idea of Oprah Winfrey throwing her weight around… or, I guess in this case… throwing her absence of weight around… based on her positive experiences. I mean – is she gonna have a positive experience in the bathroom this morning… and buy controlling interest in Charmin??
And then I’m thinking – as we all know – Miss Winfrey has had weight issues in the past. So getting her to run Weight Watchers – is a little like having Bill Cosby run the Miss America pageant. Sooner or later – they’re gonna lose it… and it’s gonna get ugly.
Cause Oprah’s weight goes up and down more often than those Circus Ole acrobats on bungee cords. Is Weight Watchers sure they’re gonna wanna be associated with Oprah come the holidays when she falls off the ‘pie-wagon’ and polishes off half of Stedman’s festive Thanksgiving turducken. Yeah – be careful what you wish for.
Wake up, America. And I don’t think Oprah plays fair with the competition, neither. So if I was Marie Osmond… or Dan Marino… I’d be trying to get in the Witness Protection Program right now. Yeah – you wanna disappear with the government’s help – or Oprah’s? I’m Earl Pitts, American. Like me on Facebook – and Pitts Off!