You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna hire a raccoon to sit on my head – so’s I’d have a PETA-friendly coonskin cap?
Well, you know – I have figured out if they ever run Chip and Joanna out of town for ruining America – I know what the charges are gonna be.
Destroying America by promoting what they call – the ‘open concept’. You ever seen that on their show? They’re all times pushing ‘the open concept.’ That’s where the bottom floor of you house don’t got no walls. People walk in the front door – and there’s everything… the kitchen… the dining room… the family room… the living room. All the furniture is there. But there ain’t no walls to keep it separate. They’re not even rooms no more… they’re ‘areas’.
Who on the good Lord’s green earth thought this was a good idea? I guess the idea is you keep the family together… and save on buying pictures. That’s not enough for me.
And people on the TV always explain the absence of dry-wall with dumb-headed thinking. ‘Hey, Chip! When I’m in the kitchen cooking, I can still be talking to my guests in the dining room.’ The other side being… you might as well talk to them – because you can’t get away from them, that’s for sure.
See – I’m like Donald Trump
I need walls. Like when my old lady got her girlfriends over… I need to move to another room. If the other room – is in the same room – just with different furniture… then I have not really gotten away from them, have I?
I think it’s funny when we were dating… and Pearl used to tell me I’d get a chance to see ‘the girls’ that night… that was very exciting. And it meant something totally different. Yeah – if she told me that tonight… she’d be meaning the babbling sisterhood of neighbor-lady Naomi and Charlene Meeker. Get me behind a wall!
Another thing… you got that open concept and you’ve got to spend way too much time keeping up with the dishes… and the garbage. Life is too short – to be that close.
Wake up, America!! Hey Chip… what if a bat gets in the house? Good luck trying to corner it in a room – when the whole house is one room. These people don’t think. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Get my new book at Amazon. And Pitts Off!