My Old Lady… is always going to be my “Old Lady”
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna drink whatever comes out of the spit-valve on Rosie O’Donnell’s tuba?
Yeah – an interesting thing happened to me a couple weeks ago. I was posting something or other on my Earl Pitts, American Facebook page… and I mentioned my old lady in the post.
Anyways… instead of thinking I was clever… or came up with a deep thought… some woman on there writes underneath… ‘Don’t call her, ‘your old lady’. She’s your wife… the mother of your children and your better half.’ Don’t insult the woman in your life – by calling her ‘your old lady.’
I do not know who this woman is… but I can only imagine her old man has a name for her, too. ‘Busy-body’… ‘trouble-maker’… maybe – ‘pain-in-the-hind-end’… Yeah – cause she was sticking her nose in business she knows nothing about.
For the record… my old lady is my wife, the mother of my children… and my better half. She’s also ‘my old lady’. If you break that down… she’s mine – and I do have the wedding papers somewhere up in the closet to prove it. She’s old. And she’s a lady. And by ‘lady’ – I mean biologically speaking. She’s never been one to eat with her pinkie sticking out… or try to muffle her farts in the couch cushions. So – I ain’t being mean to her when I call her my old lady. I’m just stating the undeniable fact!
My old lady has been my old lady since she was a young woman. And I been her old man. In fact – maybe this Facebook woman don’t know this… but old lady… and old man… are what you call your Redneck terms of endearment. Trust me – we got other names we use when we don’t find each other so endearing. Ninny, dumb-butt and chucklehead are three examples… and that’s just off the top of my head.
Yeah – and my old lady got names for me too… that I can’t use in friendly company. The woman’s got the mouth of a sailor… and I love my “old lady for that”.
Wake up, America!!! And between you and me people – we’re stuck now. After all these years… if I came home and called her ‘honey’ or ‘sweetheart’… she’d start checking my phone. Because that would just sound guilty. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Like me on Facebook… without the negative comments… or I’ll commentate on you. And Pitts Off.