You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna twist the tail off a cat? Counter-clockwise.
Y’all seen who died the other day. Buddy McCallister. I probably never told you about Buddy. He worked down at the plant – but we weren’t that close. One day he quit and said he was going to make his fortune as an over-the-road trucker. We pretty much lost contact after that… until I read his obituary in yesterday’s paper. And that’s what makes me mad.
How the newspaper will make a sad attempt to describe a man’s life in one paragraph. If you read the obituary here’s what you found out… besides his given name was Herbert. He died from a long illness. He was a member of the Baptist Church. He served in the Army… and was survived by his old lady and three grow’d up kids and two grandkids. That was it – except for where he was laid out – and where he was gonna get planted.
You know – that story didn’t mention anything about Buddy being the guy that invented the lunch-time fork-lift races down at the plant. And how if NASCAR ever started a fork-lift series… Buddy would be the guy to thank. The paper never mentioned that summer Buddy and his old lady separated and she took out a restraining order on him… and he lived in a trailer with the shoe rental girl from down at the bowling alley.
You wouldn’t know it from his obituary… but Buddy had a ten gallon donor pin from the Red Cross Blood Bank… and once owned a convertible. There wasn’t anything in there about how Buddy was President of the High School Football Boosters… or how one of his boys grow’d up to be gay. And how he was missing one of his fingers below the knuckle after a crazy bowling alley prank went horribly wrong. And how some people still claim to grab a lane ball… with a ghost finger stuck in one of the holes. I know it sounds crazy – but I know people that will swear by it.
Yeah – there was a lot more to Buddy McCallister than one paragraph.
Wake up, America!!! You can’t boil six decades of hard living into five sentences. It’s all that living between the five sentences that matters. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Buy my new book ‘Man Rules’ today. And Pitts Off.