You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna swap hot, sweaty underpants with a Mall Santa?
Here’s how you feel old. This is my story about what the hell happened to my life – how did I get so old? What happened was… me and the Meeker boys grabbed our old ladies on Saturday night… and hightailed it down to the bar at the bowling alley. This was gonna be a big night… because it was Trivia Night. And the team that won the trivia contest was gonna win two hundred dollars.
Well – we figured that right there… would pay for our night. And there wasn’t no doubt in our minds – we were gonna win. Partly because… among my many aliases… I am also known as ‘Mr. Trivia’. I mean – everybody knows Yogi Bear’s little buddy was Boo-Boo. But do you remember Quick Draw McGraw’s little buddy? That’s right – it was Baba Louie. I know that… I don’t know why I know that. But we figured Saturday night… in our town… it was worth $200-bucks.
It would be kind of like paying my brain for storing some of this stuff.
So we get in there… the place is packed. It’s gonna be like shooting fish in a barrel. And then the hostess grabs the microphone and says… ‘Welcome everybody… to ‘Nineties Trivia’
Wait a minute. Nineties Trivia – There’s no Nineties Trivia. Everybody knows trivia began in 1956 with Elvis… and ended in 1985 – when the Dukes of Hazzard went off the TV.
She goes, ‘Everybody write down your answers to this – What Friends hairstyle swept the nation in 1994?’ Who’s friends? Her friends… or my friends? Junior Meeker was wearing a buzz-cut back then. So I put – Junior Meeker.
Then she goes… what was the name of the high school… in Boy Meets World. And Dub Meeker leans over to me and goes… ‘What was the name of that bar – where they’re doing the skee ball tournament?’
Wake up, America!!! Yeah – a lot of people don’t know this… but one of my many aliases is… ‘Mr. Skee Ball’. We left – we went – we won breakfast for two at Waffle House. The night was not a total loss. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Like me on Facebook – and Pitts Off.