You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna address a joint session of Congress wearing giant shoes and a red nose – so I’ll fit right in?
Hold on to you ball-caps… ’cause I am here today – to defend the President. That’s right. Now – have you noticed some of your right-wing, Fox News, tea-party types are complaining the President is stupid. ‘Cause he don’t know nothing. Ask him about the IRS scandal… he didn’t know. Ask him about the NSA spying on regular Americans. He didn’t know.
Now – I would submit to you… that don’t make him dumb… or stupid… or even unaware. That just makes him a guy. Because most men spend a good part of their lives – not wanting to know stuff.
I’ll give a sample of what I’m talking about. I live in a house with a wife and two kids. You could say I am the ‘president’ of my house. And I don’t know what the hell is going on in there. Like my old lady and my daughter Sandra Dee have been at each other’s throats for the better part of a month. I don’t know why. I don’t want to know why. That don’t make me stupid. That makes me smart.
If I knew what was wadding up their panties… I would feel obligated to try and fix it. Yeah – and life is too short for that.
Then there’s my little boy, Earl Junior. He gets mad at me last night – he goes, ‘Daddy, you didn’t come to my band concert the other night.’ I says, “I didn’t know you had one.’ An’ he goes… ”I told you!!’
Number one – just because you tell me something… don’t mean I was listening. And if I was listening… it don’t mean I remembered it. And if I did remember it… it don’t mean I cared.
Course – based on that – I could be President.
Wake Up, America! Next time they tell you the President is stupid – just remember – stupid like a fox! Even if he knows what’s going on – this way he’s got impossible deniability. Smart move. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.