You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna car-jack the Bookmobile? And then get pulled over for speed-reading. Do they still got Bookmobiles? I dunno.
Anyways – I am going to do something today that I never done before on this station. I am going to do a book review.
You know – possibly my favorite person on earth – Hillary Clinton – got a new book out called ‘Hard Choices’. Her having a book out is true. Her being my favorite person – is a total fabrication… i.e. for you hillbillies out there… it’s a lie.
First off – I understand how come she come up with the title ‘Hard Choices’. Obviously when Bill gets around to writing about all his affairs an’ mistresses – she wanted that title already took. Nice defensive move there Hillary.
Now to be perfectly honest with you – along with 99.999% of the rest of the country – I have not read Hard Choices. But it does disturb me. It disturbs me – on account of – it is outselling my book ‘Wake up America!’. And nobody’s ever read it.
Now – if you were going to buy a book – and not read it…. why wouldn’t you buy my book? It’s cheaper. It’s funnier. I assume. And yes – I make plenty of hard choices in my book, too. The choice to pick up a hitch-hiker. The choice to buy a cell phone. Ask yourself – has Hillary Clinton ever picked up a hitch-hiker? I doubt it. There is at least one Hard Choice she is totally unfamiliar with.
Plus – Hillary Clinton’s hard choices is about stuff like… ‘Russia’… and ‘Egypt’. My book is about stuff like peeing in private… and canteens. Ask yourself – does Hillary Clinton’s book cover canteens? I doubt it.
So make a hard choice… an easy choice and buy….
Wake up America. Buy it right now at Amazon.com Ask yourself – does Hillary Clinton have a web site called earlpittsamerican.com. I doubt it. And I hope this review helped. I’m Earl Pitts, American… Pitts Off.