You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna braid rattlesnakes?
Yeah – I got me a weird deal going down at my house. I got what can only be called – a awkward situation. My old lady has fell in love – with another man.
Yeah – and here’s how I figured this out. For the last month – every time I’m with this woman – she’s begging me to travel. She says, ‘Earl – let’s go on vacation and get a hotel room.’ Or, ‘Let’s take a long weekend – and get a hotel room.’ Last week she said, ‘Let’s go visit my mama – and get a hotel room…’
I’m guessing some of you other men out there know what happened, right? My old lady has fallen in love – with the Trivago Man. I figured this out myself after we was watching the TV the other night – and the Trivago commercial come on there. After it was over – Pearl had to go outside for a smoke. And she don’t smoke!!
She goes, ‘Oh, Earl… he is sooo sexy.’ I’m thinking… oh, yeah… sexy in a tacky, homeless vagrant kind a’ way. Guy looks like he just woke up on a park bench – and started commercializing. Yeah – if that’s sexy… the bus station would be the land of man-candy for my old lady.
Then I was thinking… how dishonest and deceptive these Trviago ads are. Remember when they had them commercials called ‘subliminal advertising’? That’s when they’d stick hidden secret messages in a commercial – to get people worked up and they wouldn’t know how come.
Trivago is running TV commercials selling hotel rooms – with a guy… every woman in America – wants to be in a hotel room with. Shouldn’t that be illegal?
Wake up America. My old lady says… Earl… You got crushes on commercial people, too.’ Okay – So who told my old lady about me and the eye-drop lady, Dr. Allison Tendler?? I told you that in confidence. I’m Earl Pitts, America… and Pitts Off.