You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna play ping-pong – with baby mice? I know…I’m angry… and slightly warped.
Here’s my thing today – I got more man rules. I’m like the Mr. Miyagi of manly, testosterone-based knowledge… an’ all you men out there are my grasshoppers.
These are general rules a’ thumb for men to be real men – you may want to take notes… get a pen and paper. No really.
More Man rules
If the Piggly Wiggly don’t have it – you don’t need it. More man rules.
Just because we say, ‘How you doin’?’… doesn’t mean we actually want to know, how you are doing.
Never buy a vehicle so big you can’t reach back and smack a kid… and not necessarily your kid.
If you get first pick – take Superman. More man rules.
Relax – if they really wanted you to stop – they would have put a light there.
If you own more than three pairs of shoes – what the hell’s wrong with you?? More man rules.
If you’re angry – always count to ten before acting. Unless you’re going to smack someone. Do that on ‘three’.
It’s never really about the toilet seat. More man rules.
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight – it’s the size of the fight in the dog. Unless it’s a really big dog.
And if you ever run into one a’ them snooty high-society chicks in a bar… and she goes, ‘Hey, buddy – my eyes are up here…’ Just say – ‘Yeah – but I don’t want to play with your eyes…’ More man rules.
Wake up, America!!! Those are your man rules for the day. Write them down – there will be a test. Yeah – every day for the rest of your life. I’m Earl Pitts -America. Check me out on instagram… And Pitts Off.