What America needs is a crack Team of Mercenary Rednecks

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad – I just wanna  put on a fire-hydrant costume and stand outside a dog show? mercenary rednecks

Today I want to talk about fighting terrorism.   As you probably know – the President has vowed to defeat those crazy ‘a*holes’s in Iraq and Syria.  And don’t look at me –  that’s what he calls’em.   Everybody else calls these people ISIS.  But the President just says… they’re ‘a*holes’. mercenary rednecks

At least that’s what it sounds like what he’s saying… but I can’t disagree with him… they are a*holes.

Now here’s the part I don’t get.  He says this ain’t gonna be a quick fight.  He says these people are strong.  He says they’re sophisticated and well-equipped.  He says this is a fight that could take years… maybe even decades.

Now – is he seeing the same enemy the rest of us are seeing?  Because I watch Fox News – like everybody else, right?   And every time they show our quote-unquote ‘opponents’ in this battle – it looks more like a desert exercising class… than an actual enemy.   They’re playing on the monkey bars… dead-lifting telephone poles… jumping over obstacles. I can’t tell if I’m watching our mortal enemy in action – or old reruns from the 1970’s Superstars TV show.

Or – they’re driving around with fifteen idiots squeezed in the bed of a Toyota pick-up… waving rifles in the air.  And these are the guys that are gonna take us decades to beat???   We took on the Nazis.  We took on the Commies.  And this is our level of competition now???  What the hell happened??  mercenary rednecks

Mercenary Rednecks

Here’s my plan – okay.  We got to put boots on the ground.  Just not Army boots.  I suggest we put work boots, cowboy boots and huntin’ boots on the ground.  That’s right – a crack team of mercenary rednecks.

We storm the beaches in bass boats.  You wanna drive around in little Toyota pick-ups… fine.  We’re comin’ in Ford, Chevy and Dodge long-beds.  Yeah – and you know that ‘decades to beat you’ part?  I give it two weekends.  With time off for football. mercenary rednecks

Wake up, America!!!   I know some people question if a pack of rednecks in pick-ups  with hunting rifles can actually beat an organized army.   Well I’ve seen Red Dawn – both times – and I’m confident this would work.  I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Pitts Off.  mercenary rednecks