You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna head a flying soccer ball – filled with cement?
Yeah – I come home the other day and my little boy Earl Junior was in the living room – watching that soccer on the TV. He likes to watch that soccer – on account of – I have obviously failed as a parent.
Anyways, I sit down there for a minute and this announcer guy on the TV there says this one nimrod on there made a tremendous goal, on account of he kicked the ball with his left foot and him being right-footed.
My first thought was: How come everybody connected to soccer has a British accent? That seems random, don’t it? And my second thought was :
Are people really right and left-footed?
To me – this was a revelation. My feet pretty much do the same thing. They’re like a team. I don’t seem to favor one of the other. Now my hands…that’s a whole different story. I got my smart hand – which is my right. And my left hand is like I got Rain Man hanging off my left shoulder. If my hands had names…I’d call them Lenny – and Squiggy. Only I don’t remember which one was the smart one.
If I was right-footed – how come I don’t trip more with my left foot? Walk up stairs – and miss a step with my left foot. And then I was thinking – my right foot does do all the driving. But when I had a stick – I was okay with letting my left foot work the clutch. He seemed to do okay. I don’t think I’d trust him with the brake – but he was serviceable.
I guess lucky for me I don’t brush my teeth, comb my hair or eat with my feet. Cause then it would probably be very obvious.
And can you be right-handed…and left-footed. My goodness that stupid soccer game opened a pandora’s box of questions.
Wake up, America!! I guaran-dang-tee you one thing after this commentary. You’re going to spend the rest of the day watching your feet. My work here is done. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Buy my Book: MADE IN THE USA: https://amzn.to/2wKN5Ju And Pitts Off