You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna move Wile E. Coyote a couple steps to the left… stand in his spot… and let the anvil fall on my head?
Yeah – I just wanna thank KMart for making it harder for me to retire. Did you see this news… KMart has brung back – the Kmart blue light special. Now – I want to repeat that… KMart has brung back the Kmart blue light special. On account of – I don’t want no KMart shoppers thinking they’re getting pulled over – for shopping too fast.
And in case you don’t remember… or you’re an illegal alien or something – and you weren’t here… back in the day – KMart would start flashing a blue light in their stores. That would let shoppers know there was a special 15-minute sale on a certain item. Now this wouldn’t be in their newspaper ads… this special wouldn’t be on the radio. You just had to be there. It was a one-time fifteen minute super sale on one item only… and only for in the store shoppers.
Now – to rednecks – bringing back the blue light special is like bringing back Magnum PI. Something for our women to slobber on all over again.
What I’m saying is… back in the day… my old lady used to live at KMart. I remember one time me and my old lady trolled the aisles of KMart for three hours. I says… ‘What are we waiting for, Pearl?’ ‘She says, ‘Earl… I want them ladies’ leg-warmers to go on the blue light special.’ And I go… ‘They must got 6,000 different things in this store. How come you think ladies leg warmers are going on sale next?’ She looked at her watch and said… ‘They don’t have to be next – just sometimes today…’
Yeah… she spent way too much time… spending way too much money… on stuff we didn’t need. But who can argue… when you’re saving?
Wake up, America!!! Yeah… the blue light special… Christmas layaway… and three-dollar sweaters from China. That’s gonna be a good crowd. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.