You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna join the local marching band. Yeah, playing the arm-pit?
Today, I want to talk about hair-cuts. On account of – I got my hair cut the other day. And me and Earl Junior went to one of those new yuppie, hipster-dipster barber shops. Only because they bought out my old barber shop. And you know me – always willing to change with the times. Right – getting me into a new barbershop is like getting a dog in the vet’s.
Now – I often times on this show have talked about barber shops. And how your dope-smoking hipsters have ruined them. But not today – I’m talking about haircuts.
Like – what the hell ever happened to the old-fashioned regular hair cut? I mean – I’m watching all these guys – young and old – climbing out of the chair on Saturday morning. It was like watching a police line-up of Marvel comic super-villains.
Correct me if I’m wrong – but when we were growing up your barbers needed to know two haircuts. There was the buzz-cut – for fat kids and bullies. And the regular boys haircut – for everybody else.
Not today. The regular boys haircut is anything but regular. Like they shave the sides of the head real short and keep a big old bush of hair on top. It looks like your head is a hair-planter.
I saw a 70 year old guy – I swear this is true – had lines cut down to the skin on the back of his head. I don’t know if it was words or just a design. And I’m not one to ask a stranger if I can read their head. But I do know this – it was weird.
You mark my words. You give these hipster yahoo barbers five more years with American heads – and the mullet is coming back. Only it’s gonna be colored green and the back is gonna be braided with ornaments hanging from it.
Yeah, I can’t wait.
Wake up, America! You cut Earl Pitts’ hair and there’s only two questions I got to answer. Do I want it over my ears. And tapered or boxed in the back. That’s an American hair-cut. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.
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