You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna lay down on the track at Daytona… and let Jimmie Johnson do victory donuts on me?
Have y’all been following the Kurt Busch story? Yeah – the boy got sideways with his girlfriend… and she took out a restraining order on him. So he goes to court to fight it… and I am not making this up – he tells the judge his ex-girlfriend is a trained professional assassin. He says it sounds crazy – but it’s true. She once showed up at his house covered in blood… and even showed him pictures of people she killed. Now – to be fair – on her part, the ex-girlfriend says Kurt Busch is delusional.
So Kurt Busch… I got a couple questions for you, son. Number one – do you have a couple lug-nuts loose or something??? The first rule of dating a trained, professional assassin is… you don’t tell anybody you’re dating a trained, professional assassin. This is not a person you want to make angry.
Number two…when your girlfriend pulls out her picture album of dead people… she claims she killed… did you not have any bells go off or something? You know – that big red hole in the middle of their forehead… the lifeless eyes staring into nothing. Did you not consider maybe tapping the brakes on that relationship???
Now – I never dated a professional killer myself. But I did date a girl one time… who kept telling me all the people she wanted to kill. I remember her name was Debra O’Seven. She was Irish. I remember one time her and me were at the movies… and we ran into my girlfriend before her. I introduced them to each other… and about two weeks later, my first girlfriend mysteriously disappeared.
You know – come to think of it – my girlfriend showed up bloody that night, too. And she said the big blood stain in the back of my truck was the deer she hit. You don’t… noooo! I’m beginning to sound as crazy as Kurt Busch.
Wake up, America!! Hang on, Kurt. Is your ex-girlfriend named Debbie? And she’s got a tramp stamp on her back says ‘property of Earl’? In which case – I have never seen her before in my life. And I will swear to it. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Like me on Facebook – and Pitts Off!