You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna play teeter-totter… with an elephant?
I was working at the Duck Inn last night… twisting long-necks and minding my own business… when Buddy Carson come in there. You all know Buddy, right? Our local independent insurance agent.
Now don’t get me wrong. I appreciate your insurance agents. On account of – their job is to sell you something – you don’t want to use. That would be like selling you a car – and you don’t want the keys. So these got to be the best sales people ever!! And I appreciate anybody that’s good at their job.
However- that being said – Buddy has been on my butt all these years to increase my life insurance. He says twenty-thousand dollars will not see to the welfare and comfort of my survivors. I figure… I’m just trying to help them get by. I don’t want my death to be like them hitting the lottery. Because then they might start buying more tickets – if you know what I mean.
A third of my income goes to Insurance
I says – ‘Here’s my problem, Buddy. Last night – I paid my car insurance. So I added up my car insurance… my life insurance… my house insurance… my health insurance… dental insurance … eye-care insurance… mortgage insurance… and that major appliance insurance we bought when we got the new washer and dryer.
You add all that up… and I figured I’m shelling out about a third of my income – hoping nothing happens.’ And Buddy says… ‘Yeah – Earl but the insurance is there when you need it.’
And I says – ‘Yeah – but you know what…I figured out the only way this insurance stuff is gonna break my way. I have to total my car… running into my own house… spend five weeks in a coma… before I die.’ He says, ‘Crazier things have happened, Earl…’
And I go… ‘And one more thing. I got to hit the new washing machine!’
Wake up, America! I already told my old lady…. if the doctors ever come to you and want to pull the plug… see what the bill’s up to first. They can wait until we at least break even. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Check out my YouTube channel. And Pitts Off.