You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna crawl up a telephone pole and chew through a power line?
Funny story happened last night. Dub and Junior Meeker come in the bar… all gussied up like department store mannequins. And they were both looking like they both just got prostrate exams… a little wide-eyed and quiet.
They order their-selves a couple long necks… and Dub proceeds to telling me him and Junior had just been to the reading of their Uncle Mitchell’s will and was hoping for a big inheritance, and din’t know why. Well – that perked up my ears – on account of – you don’t go to no reading of no will unless the recently kicked off is leaving you an inheritance. I mean – I could be standing across the bar from a couple of millionaires. So I leaned in a little closer… and I go, ‘How’d you boys make out?’
Junior says… ‘Well – Uncle Mitchell’s family was all there. He had two kids and a wife.’ ‘He says… ‘We didn’t know why we were there… And then the lawyer fella, he started to reading this paper work he had there. And it had a bunch of therefore’s and ‘so-be-its’ in the beginning… and then it started to get juicy.’
And I get even a little bit closer to bar… to a casual observer it looked like I was going in to kiss the Meeker brothers. And truth be told – if they ever paid off their bar tab – I might.
Dub says the lawyer continues… and he goes, ‘To my darling wife and love of my life, Cindi… I want you to take those two office buildings downtown. To my daughter, Peggy… I want you to take the condos down by the Interstate. And to my son, Little Mitchell… I want you to take the apartment buildings down by the ball-fields… And Dub says… then the lawyer looks at him and Junior and he goes – and finally to my favorite nephews, Dub and Junior – I want you to take the apartment buildings across from the Walmart.
Well – I stood up… looking across the bar at two men that finally had their ship come in. I says, ‘Boys – I had no idea Mitchell Meeker was a wealthy man with so much real estate.’
Dub goes… ‘Oh, he wasn’t. What he had… was a paper route.’ Yep… a great inheritance.
Wake up, America!!! Yeah – they could have told me more… but they said they had to get home early. They were getting up at three. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Get my new book Man Rules. And Pitts Off!