Breaking: Hillary Clinton health crisis

By on September 21, 2016
Hillary Clinton health crisis

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna strap a guinea pig to my head… and tell people I am a Donald Trump impersonator?

You know – I been reading a lot of the Internet… listening to the radio… watching Fox News… and I think you people are way over-thinking this Hillary Clinton health crisis.  Yeah – I think you’re letting your imaginations get away from you.

I mean – the woman fell down a couple times.  And you’re all thinking she’s got some kind of brain disorder.  Or she’s got some kind of exotic disease.  Y’all want to see her personal, private medical records.  Which are personal… and private, by the way.

Number one – the woman now has had more what they like to call ‘medical episodes’ than Marcus Welby MD.   But that don’t give you haters and conspiracy nut-jobs, right-wingers and deplorables the right to start speculating on the lady’s grip on the here and now.

But it does give me the opportunity to offer my opinion.  On account of – I have seen this before.  I am no doctor – I will admit that.  But I have seen this countless times.   I think she’s a drunk.

Hell – this woman has fell over more times than Johnny Manziel at a New Year’s Eve party.  Hello???

One time – she fell down the stairs and cracked her melon.  Yeah – and at the time, I bet she didn’t feel nothing neither.   Another time – she fell down the stairs and cracked her elbow.   She fell over going up the stairs to some fund-raiser.   I would submit to you – the Hillary Clinton health crisis does not have anything to do with some crazy brain thing affecting her balance.   But she might have a little issue with the Vodka.

Fact is – I heard her admit the other day… sometimes… she does get a little dizzy.  Yeah – vodka martinis will do that to a person.  Especially if they didn’t get much to eat.

Wake up, America!  Here’s how you can tell if your President is a drunk.  You put a juke-box in the White House… and watch to see if she looks for the Patsy Cline songs.  Then you can say – well, Earl told us.  Yes I did.   I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Buy my book – Man Rules – Pitts Off!!

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