Funeral Food is always better than you get at home

By on November 26, 2014
funeral food

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna grab a Tupperware bowl full of leftovers and chase a hearse to a funeral?

Yeah – today I want to talk to you about one of the great mysteries of life.  How come some of the best home-made food you can get in this life… is right after somebody dies?  Weird, huh?  We got a tradition around these parts – some poor slob kicks the bucket – it’s two weeks of free eats for the family.

I mean – you ever done this – some sucker croaks… and your old lady cooks up a five-star fancy casserole… fried chicken… meat loaf… spaghetti with meat-balls as big as your fist… two pies… three cakes… and delivers them to the family with her heartfelt condolences.  Man – it’s like meals on wheels… on steroids.  I believe the idea is – the family of the recently planted is gonna be too tore up to cook.

And then for the rest of us… what you call your “kinfolk”, acquaintances and co-workers… you got the all-you-can-eat post-planting shindig in the church basement after the grave-yard ceremony.   ‘Cause fact is – nothing builds up an appetite like dropping somebody six foot under.  I can’t explain it – but it’s true.

And here’s the weird rule about funeral food.  It’s got to be better than what you serve at home.  Oh yeah – nobody’s heating up a Stouffers lasagna for a funeral.  This has got to be home-made.  Somebody dies out where we live – every women in town turns into the kitchen diva – Martha Stewart.

I mean – have you ever been to the after-funeral feast… and you walk down into the church basement – and it’s like a county-fair cook-off.  You got casseroles.  Fried chicken out the ying-yang.   You know – when in doubt – go with the fried chicken.  Nothing will make widows and orphans see the happier side of death faster – than a plate of good home-fried chicken.

And then of course – it’s a known fact – you can’t cry… and eat cake at the same time.

Wake up, America!!!  And nobody ever got kicked out of no funeral home for bringing pudding in a cloud.  It’s actually kind of spiritual.  ‘Look mama, the pudding’s in the cloud.  Just like Grandma…’  I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Check out my YouTube channel – Earl Pitts by Earl Pitts.  And Pitts Off.

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