You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna grab a Tupperware bowl full of leftovers and chase a hearse to a funeral?
Yeah – today I want to talk to you about one of the great mysteries of life. How come some of the best home-made food you can get in this life… is right after somebody dies? Weird, huh? We got a tradition around these parts – some poor slob kicks the bucket – it’s two weeks of free eats for the family.
I mean – you ever done this – some sucker croaks… and your old lady cooks up a five-star fancy casserole… fried chicken… meat loaf… spaghetti with meat-balls as big as your fist… two pies… three cakes… and delivers them to the family with her heartfelt condolences. Man – it’s like meals on wheels… on steroids. I believe the idea is – the family of the recently planted is gonna be too tore up to cook.
And then for the rest of us… what you call your “kinfolk”, acquaintances and co-workers… you got the all-you-can-eat post-planting shindig in the church basement after the grave-yard ceremony. ‘Cause fact is – nothing builds up an appetite like dropping somebody six foot under. I can’t explain it – but it’s true.
And here’s the weird rule about funeral food. It’s got to be better than what you serve at home. Oh yeah – nobody’s heating up a Stouffers lasagna for a funeral. This has got to be home-made. Somebody dies out where we live – every women in town turns into the kitchen diva – Martha Stewart.
I mean – have you ever been to the after-funeral feast… and you walk down into the church basement – and it’s like a county-fair cook-off. You got casseroles. Fried chicken out the ying-yang. You know – when in doubt – go with the fried chicken. Nothing will make widows and orphans see the happier side of death faster – than a plate of good home-fried chicken.
And then of course – it’s a known fact – you can’t cry… and eat cake at the same time.
Wake up, America!!! And nobody ever got kicked out of no funeral home for bringing pudding in a cloud. It’s actually kind of spiritual. ‘Look mama, the pudding’s in the cloud. Just like Grandma…’ I’m Earl Pitts, American. Check out my YouTube channel – Earl Pitts by Earl Pitts. And Pitts Off.