You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna smack all-star celebrity chef Bobby Flay over the head with a giant four-foot summer sausage?
I took my old lady out someplace special to eat the other night. No – it wasn’t her birthday. It wasn’t our anniversary. But I did scratch off a 50-dollar winning instant ticket… and was feeling charitable.
Anyway – I finally figured out – how you can tell if a restaurant qualifies as ‘fancy’ or not. A fancy restaurant has specials – that are not on the menu.
For example – you walk into McDonalds… and the cashier ain’t gonna say – ‘we also have a special today not on the menu board. We have a hot dog with sauerkraut and Cole slaw on the side… No sir – you go to McDonald’s – the menu is the menu.
Now – you go to a fancy restaurant… they might have a menu… but that don’t stop them boys back in the kitchen from tinkering. And the waitress is all breathless and excited about it. “We have got specials that are not on your menu.” And then she commences to describing these specials kind of like a phone sex operator might describe herself taking a bath. Slightly braised, farm-fresh medallions of pork languishing on a bed of linguini… dripping with caramelized onions in a sweet, sweet burgundy sauce…’ Then she kind of closes her eyes and holds herself for a second.
Yeah – they don’t describe food like that at the Denny’s.
Man – if I could get that waitress to describe chicken-fried steak with mashed taters and white gravy… I would probably leave my wife!! Yikes!
Wake up, America!!! Yeah – after that description – nothing on their regular menu looked very special. Yeah – and nothing sitting in the booth with me did either. I’m Earl Pitts, like me on Facebook – and Pitts Off.