You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad – I just wanna play patty-cakes… with Freddie Krueger?
Yeah – we had a weird thing happen down at the Duck Inn last night. Some old girl come in there to pull her old man out. Only he was with another woman.
Well – that started what I will call… the festivities. Those two ended up in the parking lot… swearing to kill each other. Pete called the police. The officers arrived and it was like we were watching an episode of COPS in 3D. Oh yeah – because we were all out there watching. It’s not a ‘real’ domestic disturbance – unless it’s got an audience.
I mean – have you noticed whenever there’s a full-blown, level-five domestic incident… it usually ends up outside… in front of the trailer. I don’t know why – but I believe it’s in the White Trash rule-book.
Anyway – the cops hauled them back to the station to sort out restraining orders and we all went back inside. The euphoria an’ adrenaline of watching a good fight eventually wore off. And Dub Meeker says to me… ‘Earl… have you ever been so mad… you thought you could kill somebody?’
And I looked at him for a minute… and I go… ‘You mean so far – today?’
He goes, ‘No… I mean have you ever been so full of rage… or been done dirty by somebody so bad… you have actually considered taking a life. And the only thing that kept you from being a murderer… is the commandments… and the fear of the death penalty.’
I go, ‘Dub… I got news for you son. I am a redneck. I have not only felt that way. I got a list.’
Wake up, America. I’m not saying I’m gonna kill nobody. But I got at least seven people… whose butts should be a little puckered up right now even knowing that. And I think you know who you are. I’m Earl Pitts, American… Pitts Off.