Earl Pitts: Why does Adult Cereal Suck?
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna choke Capt. Crunch… until his windpipe goes snap, crackle and pop? Adult Cereal
Yeah – my little boy, Earl Junior was moping around the house last weekend. You know how teenagers get… kind of like a hunting dog with worms. Moving around like something’s bugging them inside… but they don’t know what. Adult Cereal
Anyways – he says to me – he can’t wait to be an adult – because being a kid sucks. Adult Cereal
So I sit him down… and I go, ‘Son. You’re probably looking at the awesome and exciting life your old man here leads. And that might throw you off as to the true nature of being an adult.’ I says, ‘Cause let me clue you in – being an adult ain’t no bed of roses, neither.’ Adult Cereal
He says – ‘You don’t got to go to school. You don’t got homework every night. You get to drive. Nobody tells you when you got to be home.’ Adult Cereal
And I go… ‘Everything you say there might be true. But here’s something nobody ever tells you about being an adult. Adult cereal stinks.
I says, “When I was your age… I was up to my eyeballs in Lucky Charms, Trix, Coco Crispies, Count Chocula and Fruit Loops. Every breakfast I got a sugar buzz and a toy surprise.
And you know the surprise you pull out of a box of adult cereal? The surprise is – they can even sell this stuff. It’s a little biscuit of fiber that looks like they dried out something the cat coughed up. And have you ever seen a box of granola, son? It’s like they sifted yard waste through a screen – and whatever fell through – they put in the box.’ I says, ‘When you’re a kid – you choose your cereal based on the flavor and the toy surprise inside. When you’re an adult – you choose your cereal based on whether you need your cholesterol lowered… or your pipes flushed out.’
Wake up, America! Well – EJ kind of just stared at the floor…and nodded his head and walked off. It’s like I’m the Kid Whisperer or something. I know how to get below the surface. I’m Earl Pitts, America – check out my new YouTube Channel – the one by Earl Pitts. And Pitts Off.