See – what happened was….I was waitin’ for a check in the mail. I mean – I wadn’t gonna be rich….but I had a refund comin’….an’ I do like to get money in the mail. So Saturday – I was watchin’ football….an’ my old lady come in the house – she got a stack a mail in her hands… I seen that – an’ I go…’Did my check come?’
She goes – ‘No, Earl…it ain’t in here.’ Well – I wadn’t thinkin’….because then I said…’Did you look in the back of the mailbox?’ She looks at me…gives me that beat to her response that only a woman knows how to do…..and she goes, ‘Do I look stupid to you?’
Okay – this is what we call around our house – the intelligence test. Only thing is – my ol’ lady ain’t askin’ me to gauge her intelligence. She’s actually gaugin’ my intelligence by how I answer. In other words – it’s a trick question.
An’ in our house – the intelligence test is always given by my ol’ lady….an’ there’s only two questions. ‘Do I look stupid to you?’….an’ the much less complex, ‘Are you stupid?’ An’ both questions are given to determine – if I’m stupid. Don’t be fooled.
So she asks – ‘Do I look stupid to you?’ I would rather have her ask if her new pants make her butt look fat. I got that answer down. She’s askin’ me if she looks stupid. If I answer yes – I’ll probably be celebratin’ the holidays alone this year. An’ if I say – ‘no’…then, in fact – I must be the stupid one – for askin’ the question.
Wake up, America! Funny thing was….I was goin’ to the Duck Inn that night – peaked in the mailbox – it was in there. To further prove my intelligence….I’m not gonna mention that. I’m Earl Pitts, American!