Earl Pitts… Passing the Intelligence Test

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna go to one a’ them Mensa meetin’s a’ the super egghead smart people….an’ ask….’How come I see Womensa here, too?

See – what happened was….I was waitin’ for a check in the mail.  I mean – I wadn’t gonna be rich….but I had a refund comin’….an’ I do like to get money in the mail.  So Saturday – I was watchin’ football….an’ my old lady come in the house – she got a stack a mail in her hands…    I seen that – an’ I go…’Did my check come?’

She goes – ‘No, Earl…it ain’t in here.’  Well – I wadn’t thinkin’….because then I said…’Did you look in the back of the mailbox?’   She looks at me…gives me that beat to her response that only a woman knows how to do…..and she goes, ‘Do I look stupid to you?’

Okay – this is what we call around our house – the intelligence test.  Only thing is – my ol’ lady ain’t askin’ me to gauge her intelligence.  She’s actually gaugin’ my intelligence by how I answer.  In other words – it’s a trick question.

An’ in our house – the intelligence test is always given by my ol’ lady….an’ there’s only two questions.  ‘Do I look stupid to you?’….an’ the much less complex, ‘Are you stupid?’   An’ both questions are given to determine – if I’m stupid.  Don’t be fooled.

So she asks – ‘Do I look stupid to you?’   I would rather have her ask if her new pants make her butt look fat.  I got that answer down.    She’s askin’ me if she looks stupid.  If I answer yes –  I’ll probably be celebratin’ the holidays alone this year.   An’ if I say – ‘no’…then, in fact – I must be the stupid one – for askin’ the question.

So I gave the only correct answer….’Well….ah rha umphhhh..’ and went back to watchin’ the game.  Crisis averted – test passed.

Wake up, America!   Funny thing was….I was goin’ to the Duck Inn that night – peaked in the mailbox – it was in there.  To further prove my intelligence….I’m not gonna mention that.   I’m Earl Pitts, American!

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