Earl Pitts: Halloween… An Adult Holiday?
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna put on my ball-cap and a t-shirt and go trick-or-treating? And when people ask who I’m supposed to be – I’ll go, ‘Earl Pitts.’ And they’ll go…’Oh, you look just like him…’
Yeah – this week – we started pet peeve season. And I got another one. I just saw a story on the internet the other day… said that this year – for the first time ever – people are going to spend more money on ADULT Halloween costumes than on their kid’s costumes.
Ladies and gentlemen – I weep for America. When in the blue blazes did them brain-dead, idiot Yuppie adults take over a perfectly good kid holiday? You know what adults used to do on Halloween? Take their kids door to door – and check the candy for razor blades. And maybe a Snickers bar or two.
But these days – no – Halloween is a adult holiday. People get dressed up in costumes. You know what I heard the other day… the hottest costume this year – is gonna be Ebola victims. Now – think about that for a second. There was a story a week back… where some half-wit, pant-load on a airplane joked that he had Ebola. So the plane made an emergency landing – and people in Hazmat suits entered the plane and pulled this guy off the flight.
Okay – got that mental image? Now – multiply that by ten million people walking around the streets – actually looking like they got Ebola.
Let’s say there’s a knock on your door on Halloween? You open the door – and there’s a Ebola victim… a ISIS terrorist… and a illegal Central American kid standing there… Hell – you wouldn’t know if you were supposed to hand out candy – or shoot yourself in the head.
Wake Up, America!!! Yeah – because you wouldn’t know if they were trick-or-treaters… or the three horsemen of the American Apocalypse. So you might opt to take the easy way out. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off!!