Earl Pitts: You ever been to the laundromat

By on October 8, 2014
The Laundromat

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna punch holes in my forehead… so my brain can breathe??

Men – today I am going to tell you what they call a ‘cautionary tale’.  In other words – save yourself a world of hurt – and don’t do what I done.  If your old lady asks you to fix something – fix it.  Because if you don’t fix it… you’re gonna end up doing what she can’t do… on account of she needs something to do it with – that you didn’t fix.

That’s how I ended up down at the Laundromat last Saturday morning.   She says to me… ‘Remember that belt I asked you to get for the washing machine?’ And she drops three hefty bags a’ dirty clothes at my feet and slaps a roll a’ quarters on the table.  And she goes… ‘Maybe you can get to it on your way home from the Regal Suds & Spin.’

Have you ever been to the Laundromat

Let me ask you a question – have you ever been to the Laundromat?   From personal experience… I can safely say I would rather go down to the river next to the power plant and pound dirty clothes on a big rock?  I mean – how can I describe this?  A laundry-mat is a big, hot stuffy room where fat ladies go to fold their underpants in public.

But they just don’t fold them and stuff’em in the basket with any sense of decency.  No sir – first they got to hold them up in the light from the window to make sure they’re clean.  It looks like Columbus raising the sails on the Santa Maria.  It covers the sun for just a brief second there… which in your laundry-mat circles is known as… ‘a panty eclipse’. Laundromat

It was just me… two young guys that might have been college kids or maybe hobos hitchhiking through town… and the Saturday morning fat lady club… smacking little kids around… shoving Ding-Dongs down their throats and watching a black and white TV on a pole in the corner. Laundromat

Yeah – I got the washer belt on the way home. Laundromat

Wake up, America!   My old lady asks me when I get back home… did you get the belt?   I says, ‘Yeah… and three phone numbers.’  Apparently I was the best thing to happen at that laundry-mat in years.   I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Like me on Facebook – and Pitts Off.

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