You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna go down to the high school cafeteria to vote – and when I pull that curtain closed behind me – take off all my clothes? I’ll tell the police, I thought it was a changing room… honest mistake.
You know my newest pet peeve – that’s got me twisted up and ready to pop like vise grips on my hangy-down things? It’s this. Early voting.
When in the Sam Hill did voting go from being a day… to a season? I was asking Runt Wilson down at the bar last night – if he was going to vote this year. He said – he already did.
I started laughing… I go, ‘That was your primary, ya dummy. Your elections today are like the play-offs. You got to keep winning and moving forward.’
And Mr. Know-it-all there… he goes, ‘No he voted in the regular election. He just did what they call – ‘early voting’. I go, ‘So how early did you vote?’ And he goes – ‘May.’
I says, ‘You know early voting is not fair to whoever you didn’t vote for. Because think about it – they’re probably still trying to dig up dirt on the guy you liked.’ Now let’s say it’s a couple days before the actual election day – and it turns out the guy you liked… the guy you already voted for… has been having an on-going carnal relationship with a farm animal?
And there you go… you voted for this sleaze-bag nitwit. So it looks like you support this type of deviate behavior.
And number two… you know how come they stretch out these election days? So more people can vote. You want to trace back to when America started going to hell? When more people voted.
Wake Up, America!!! In my book – if they want to have early voting – fine! If by ‘early voting’ – they mean the polls open at 5 am. The polls open in JUNE?? – that’s bull crud. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.