Driving in America ain’t what it used to be
You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna buy a monster big-wheel truck… so the next time I get caught in a traffic jam… I can just drive over it?
Driving in America
Yeah – I was almost late getting here today… and I’ll tell you why. I swear to you… I ran into more idiot drivers today than I thought was humanly possible. I don’t know if there’s a dumb driver convention in town… or maybe idiot drivers migrate… and they just happen to be driving through my town this week… but I’ll tell you what. You do not want to be out there driving today… if you’re anywhere close to your breaking point.
Let’s see if we can recap my drive in here today. First off – getting on the main street. And you run into that person philosophically opposed to ‘right on red.’ They know it can be done… but they just haven’t come to terms with it. Plus – there might be traffic coming… eventually. They could be two or three miles down the road… but why risk it. And anyway that nice man in the truck behind you doesn’t seem to be in a hurry. The guy in the truck – being me – by the way.
Now – you got to merge on the freeway. And you run into ‘Hit the brakes, Harry’. That’s the guy that slowly creeps down the on-ramp… gets to the merging part – and stops. Waits for a gap in traffic. Which should be along… about the time morning rush ends. I figure there’s a reason they build them on-ramps to look like ski jumps. You’re supposed to pick up speed, dummy… fly and merge!
Then you get in that line of traffic… behind the little old lady from Pasadena. She’s doing 45 in a 65… Now – people that are driving slow – I don’t mind. This is a free country – you’re alllowed. The person I mind is that idiot that floats over into the passing lane and tries to pass the slow car… by driving exactly one-half of a mile an hour faster. Hey – Tony Stewart – don’t risk it!! That’s the person I wish I had a cow-catcher on the front of my truck… I could just blast through… and move them to the side.
Wake up, America!! Now – I got to get to the Duck Inn by 4 this afternoon. So if you’re out there about then – you got two choices. Act like you know what you’re doing… or pull over to the side until I get by. I leave it up to you. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Subscribe to my YouTube channel. And Pitts Off.