You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna ride the screamin’ demon upside down, triple-twistin’ rolly-coaster… without a lap bar???
Yeah – I did a commentary a ways back – things guys like to brag about. And I said one of the biggest things guys like to brag about… is how fast we can get somewhere. Some guy down at the Duck Inn says he can drive to Mudd Lake in a hour and a half. Some other guy’ll say he drove it in a hour. And before you know it… somebody’s claiming they got there so fast… the only way they could have done it… is with a jet car an’ a dry salt bed…
So anyways – here’s another thing guys like to brag about. And between you and me – I don’t even get this one. They like to brag how far they can get after the gas needle is on ‘E’.
Like me an’ the Meeker boys were driving out in Dub’s truck to go hunting last weekend. And this is way out – about a hour past Mudd Lake. We’re talking out in God’s country. And I say to ol’ Dub… ‘Dubster, you better put some gas in this old beast… this sucker is just about on ‘E’. He looks at me an’ rolls his eyes… he says, ‘Earl… my gauge hits empty… I can drive another 70 miles!’
I says… ‘Dub, you know where we’re going hunting, right? We going about as far into the wilderness you can get without finding Survivorman. Get some gas, Son.’
An’ then old Junior pipes in. He says… the gas gauge on his truck don’t even work. He says his needle has been stuck on a quarter-tank for five years. He says – that never scared him. And I go… How do you know when you need gas?’
He looks at me and goes… ‘It stops running.’
Wake up, America! Yeah – just be happy this idiot wasn’t accepted in pilot school. He’d be up at 30,000 trying to convince passengers they got enough fuel to get another two states. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.